The Broken and The Holy

I did not think it would end
this
way

I was warned …
yes you warned me
over and over
that one day
things would change and
you and I would change

you asked me
questions
like
why did I bring work
on our vacations

my mind was about
making extra money
I used the time on vacations
at the expense
of time we could
have had

my work
took first place,
our time together
took last place,
but I did not see it
that way

until
I realized there would be
no more vacatons
we would share

I was going to stop
bringing work
I was going to spend
all our time
together

next time
our vacation never came
bad health took you away
I spent 10 days with you
a month before
your final
breath

it’s too late to
turn time backwards

maybe I will have a chance
to turn the clock backwards
for someone else

she is calling
out to you God

her spouse
walked out for
another woman

things had been
going well
(she thought)
then

blindsided

she says she has
cried
and prayed
cried
and prayed
every day
every night

I offer
my prayers
for her
I am
praying
and crying
for her

allow her to grieve
and take tiny steps
to make a life
more beautiful
than before

hear our prayers Lord,
feel our tears
be with her Jesus
. . . . always

walking along the beach
you and I
stop
to offer
silent prayers

giving thanks
for having met

when
we get
together

i always
wish time
would stop

This happened to me
& maybe to
someone
else

Sometimes I
wonder if
you look down
& see me
hurt

How far is it
there
& one day
I pray I
will see you
again

Before you left
I meant to say
I appreciate you

and
how much you mean
to me

My throat is
dry
these days

It was unexpected
It happened when
I was not looking

I was not thinking
of you
the day you died
I was busy at work
can I be that honest

The call came
late

I hurt
I hurt really bad

no poems
no songs
no music
there are no
creative juices
anymore.
why?
there could be a disconnect
from the creative flow
that streams from
reading
hearing
playing
other peoples’
poems, songs & music.
it’s time to plug into
the streaming
creative flow
again
and again.

it does not take

a licensed counselor

to make you feel good

sometimes a call to a friend

and a friendly talk

will do wonders

I was once in the dumps

feeling bad about myself

when a friend from another town

called me

he knew

I was feeling down

he told me a joke

and I laughed and laughed

and my mood shifted

and the day became better

talk therapy

may also be done

with a pet

pets seem to listen

and not argue

be your own

best friend

find ways to feel good

about yourself

I was making it

My dream

was working

I had mojo then

wanting to live from poems

that came endlessly

I bet my early years on writing

Saw many reading and buying

the books in bookstores, card shops

and college stores

Letters arrived almost daily

sharing poems and including photos

Ten books in stores

and more waiting to publish

then sales slowed

Reality knocked

for rent, gasoline

car repairs

and food

When I began my dream

life was easy

and affordable

I was to surviving

Then someone changed the

life’s price tag . . .

I had to work

and  put my dreams on hold

Recently I opened

forgotten boxes of poems

in my attic

For days I look at the sky

and clouds like I used to

wondering

can I become excited again

I didn’t see my dreams

in the sky anymore