Archive | November, 2015

looking for warmth on a cold winter day

25 Nov

it was years ago

but seemed like yesterday

i was homeless

 

everything in my world turned

upside down

i won’t explain what took me down

i remember walking the streets

looking and thinking

what to  do next

 

i looked tired

a man motioned me into a

hamburger cafe

he said I looked like I lost my last friend

i told him he must be reading my mail

cause i lost both my luck and friends

 

hamburger and coke were good

I thanked him for caring

and being a friend for the past hour

 

i never looked in dumpsters before

and discovered some food was cooked

and not sold…..it all tasted good

during the winter

 

i discovered abandoned houses

doors unlocked for those who

where down on luck

 

i wrote poetry during the days

where I found warmth in

the local college library

 

all this poverty because i wanted

to be a poet and make a living

from poetry sales

 

many months had passed since

anyone purchased a poem for a

magazine or literary journal

so my pocketbook was lean and mean

 

it was a very cold winder

living here and there in empty houses

eating what I could find

in dumpsters

 

i survived this period

and perhaps

i am better because of this

 

when i see the

homeless,   I stop to talk. . .

take them to a café for a coke and food

and spend time

 

i saw a homeless women carrying

a black trash bag with all her belongings

 

i treated her to a meal at Christmas time

and asked her to tell me about herself

and to tell me how she was doing

she cried nonstop . . .

i’m sorry for crying she says

but no one ever asked me

how I ever felt

and no one before ever bought me a meal

until today

 

 

 

stepping into loneliness

1 Nov

I had no idea
about your loneliness

how could I know

the coffee cafe
where I stop
three times a week . . .

you always knew
I wanted cream and sugar
and I would probably stay
until I returned messages
on my cell phone

you joked that the coffee shop
was my second office
and I pretended I was so
important I needed it
as my after hours office

I watched all those who
came in and you knew
exactly what they wanted
in their coffee
and even those who wanted
a cookie or brownie or
piece of apple pie,
you always guess it right

I noticed that you never
used a cell phone
I figured that was because
you respected your employer’s time

The guys constantly joked
with you
you joked back
I could tell some of the guys
wanted to have
a relationship with you
outside the coffee shop

from my table I watched
guys hint at asking you
to hang out with them
but no one actually asked you
on a date
these guys, they seemed afraid of
rejection
none asked for your
phone number

each day
the same guys
often came in
and you knew exactly how to fix
their coffee and what snack
they wanted
they played their games of hinting
if you liked them enough
to hang out with them
but not one of the guys
ever asked you for a date
and not one asked for your
phone number

I started thinking
these guys are so shy
they are hoping you
will ask them on a date

one night I passed
an abandoned building
or I thought it was abandoned
until
I saw you unlock the door
and walk up flights of stairs
and then
a single light bulb came on
— it was the third floor
then a TV flickered on
and you fell onto your couch
alone
with no curtain over the window
where the whole world saw
your loneliness

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