The Broken and The Holy

Years ago

after high school

and off and on

while attending college

I dreamed of being a poet

of publishing books

of love poetry

I remember not having money

to eat well

I cooked food in my apartment

hot dogs

potato chips & onion spread

popcorn with butter

I drank ripple wine

and cokes

I sat on my couch

writing about falling in love

This was a creative time

loneliness, sadness and depression

flows from a poet’s pen

during times like this

I wish I saved

all the scraps of papers —

most poets will tell you

they threw away poems

they wish they kept

I recall

the extreme swing of emotions

Feelings of love were so intense

Seeking someone to love

was never ending

Sometimes I went to beach towns

for inspiration to write

and when I was lucky

I met someone to spend

precious moments

of my life with

These were a few days

in a poet’s life

I stayed at a beach motel

looking for love

I walked the beach

I was lonely

she appeared

and said hi

she was looking for love

and said why don’t we

spend time together

and we did . . . for many days

at the beach

We dated a year

our distance apart

brought another man

into her life

Shannon, if you read this,

remember I loved you

one winter

It’s happened

many times before

I was just a toss away

someone to

“love and leave”

you gave no warning

you did things to cause

me to love you

knowing how to smile

hold my hand

give longs kisses

speak loving words

You left as quickly

as you entered my life

My world is spinning

this world is not good

to gentle people

The poets I read

are depressed

this is why I read them

they understand me

and I understand them

they take time to talk about it

they speak for me

We are all poets

as we put our pen to paper

yes, we become poets then

and the next step is put

our poems into a book

for others to read who are

going through the same sorrows

The words from poets

make us feel understood

and no longer alone

Praise to the poets who are brave

enough to share their feelings

Dear poets

you helped me

make it through tonight

Please keep writing and sharing

I saw you at a cotton candy stand

buying bubble gum flavored

cotton candy

I was standing nearby

you winked

and asked if I would like

to taste your candy

We road the roller coaster

then ferris wheel

and as many rides

as we could pack in one day

We left

and spent hours

sharing stories from our past

at Texas Roadhouse

and enjoyed the night

I sometimes think

of that day and night

Did you enjoy it

as much as I did

Would you like

to do it again?

Was it something I said?

Was it something I did?

Or is it another person

with more charm and money?

It happened

this way —

after months of joy and laughter

you no longer answer my calls

Panic has sat in

I’m sitting wondering what happened

that could have been prevented

or maybe it could not be prevented

With tear drops falling on the floor

I turn on a recording

and listen to Ray Charles sing

“It’s crying time again

you’re going to leave me”

I listen to it over and over and over

and someway I have to find away

to fall asleep

How many nights

can I remember

without anyone to talk with?

It is difficult to invite someone

for a date when I have no money

This is the way it was

living from day to day

I often sat in my apartment

writing sad poems

At night I would sometimes

walk for an hour

and when I was lucky

I would meet her

a girl would also be walking

we would stop to talk

we often liked

each other enough to spend time

just talking at my place

or hers

We snacked on potato chips

and onion spread

drank soft drinks or wine

while watching movies

laughing and getting to know each other

The times this happened

made my saddest days

into beautiful

nights