watching the clock tick toward the last days …if the doctor’s report is true

I read the doctor’s report

not just one diagnosis

but several

one being terminal

It was on the hospital

patient “portal”

I discovered how to enter

my personal portal

My doctor never discussed

that one deadly

diagnosis

never

It might mean 3 months

or just a few years

to get my final plans

together, as they say

No medicine was given

to relax my thoughts

or bring sleep

I don’t know whether to

ignore the doctor’s report

and hope it is a mistake

I have no motivation

I read books

mostly poetry & biographies

of authors long gone

I stay at home as a reclusive

Hot dogs

& baked beans from a can

make good meals these days —

they are affordable

as I live

wishing

& praying

my thoughts

were happier

I always hope for

good dreams

if I get lucky

& fall

asleep

waiting for a miracle

she is struggling
to live
breathing
is difficult
COPD took over
from smoking
starting as a teen

I do not have
words to comfort her
I can sit
hug
& cry with her

how many days?
some say
maybe a year
others say
a month
six months
at the most

she is struggling now
as I hold her
in my arms
sending prayers
to Jesus
for a miracle

yes, I remember
she was popular
and now
her phone
no longer rings

she counts on me
we both have lived
through the seasons
of life

we are taking
a day
at a time
looking for
a miracle
that
we pray
will happen

Hello death

Death

Flying around like a buzzard

Accidents

Falls

My body needs repair

I often give up

I feel you taking over

My pain is great

It is difficult to go out

Sad dreams arrive nightly

Terrible dreams as well

I do not know what to do

I am not ready yet

I think I need to call Jesus

He will help

Death

You are my final stop

I am calling Jesus now

Jesus will call me back

    to let me know

   if I am ready

for my next life

my phone does not ring

a friend from the past

once said

someday

when enough days go by

my phone won’t ring

he was talking about women

would rather

talk with someone

younger

We were talking

like all guys do

about girls

we were dating

he said we won’t

look good forever

I didn’t think much

about that

but years

raced by

and he is right

I leave messages

but calls aren’t returned

I’m guessing this works

both ways —

women leave messages

for guys

who never return calls

So many

lonely people

needing

a friend

or just

a call

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